perspective

Since i was about 15, i have died in my dreams repeatedly. I'm a vivid dreamer, so i feel the intensity of the experience, even the physical pain. The experiences have varied, but there are some things that remain the same. Among them, a clear, rich, deep understanding that i can't hang onto back in my waking life. It doesn't feel scary. Maybe that's why i think about death everyday. I know that sounds morbid, but there's something valuable for me there. I imagine everyday that i could die at any moment. A truck could swerve onto the sidewalk and take me out during my daily walk to the grocery store. It's just that easy. The point of the exercise is to make sure that i am living today. It's a way for me to keep things in perspective. For example: if i died tomorrow, would this argument we're having about whether or not to leave the heater on all night really matter. I can't always take my own advice, but sometimes it helps me to accept the insignificance of whatever i'm spending my time on. In fact, i'm realizing as i'm writing this how foolish i was acting just yesterday. We left the house specifically to go to Whole Foods, but when we got there, the parking lot was utter pandemonium. I nearly lost my shit as we sat at a complete standstill for 5 minutes with cars behind us honking because they were halfway in the street and couldn't pull all the way into the parking lot entrance. The aisles were backed up 5 and 6 cars deep. It was going to be hard to park, to say the least. I was panicking. I started complaining, and then drove through the whole horrific scene and right out the other side of the parking lot. Straight home. No groceries were had. But did it really matter? All the anxiety i felt, did it do anything good for me? Was it at all beneficial that i let it get to me? If i died tomorrow, would i feel satisfied about how i chose to react? Nope. I wouldn't. It's not a big deal. It was just a busy parking lot, but i wasted an hour of my life bitching about how it sucked. So the point here is that there's something powerful about remembering that everyday could be your last, and trying to live it accordingly. For me it's about keeping perspective on what matters and what doesn't. It's thinking about death as a teacher, not as something to be dreaded, but something to learn from. A couple days ago, as i was reading, i came across a passage on the subject.
"If I had my life over again I should form the habit of nightly composing myself to thoughts of death.I would practice, as it were, the remembrance of death. There is no other practice which so intensifies life. Death, when it approaches, ought not to take one by surprise. It should be part of the full expectancy of life. Without an ever-present sense of death life is insipid. You might as well live on the whites of eggs." - Muriel Spark
How true. If this life wouldn't eventually come to an end, how would we feel motivation to live it fully?

if It feels like work...

WORK: something made greater by ourselves and in turn that makes us greater.
Is my field of endeavor basically honest, meaningful, and helpful to myself and others - or at the very least harmless? Is it emotionally fulfilling: financially, psychologically, and socially rewarding; engaging, creatively satisfying, and bringing the best out of me through utilizing and further developing my own unique combination of special gifts, talents, experiences, and interests? Or am I hiding the truth from myself? These are excerpts from a book called "Awakening the Buddha Within." Not that I am a practicing buddhist or anything, but I like this way of thinking about work. If work occupies 40 hours a week or more, it really shouldn't be something we dread. In fact, it should be something enriching. Here's to seeing everyone I know realize this dream <3