yardsale

If it's old, and doesn't work, I love it. If it's old and about to crap out on me, I want it. After a recent inventory of my personal belongings resulting from a cross-country relocation, I finally had to admit these facts to myself. I own two awesome lamps from the 1940's and 50's which, earlier in their lives belonged to my Mema. I refuse to let them out of my life even though they haven't been functional for 3 years. They do not illuminate anything. They look like they mean business, but it's all talk. I have dragged them all over this country for so long. They need to be rewired. I own a suitcase made in 1940 which has locks that pop open intermittently while walking through airports so that all of my belongings can yardsale all over the filthy floor...especially if there are bathing suits or undergarments involved..those will hit the floor quicker than the peanut butter side of a dropped piece of bread. And yet, I carry said suitcase most often when I travel regardless of the knowledge that this will occur. I am stubborn beyond all reason. I am as stubborn as the inanimate objects that I continue to own despite their dysfunction. The Perfection 500 kerosene heater with the original glass globe and no kerosene reservoir is one of my favorite belongings. It has destroyed relationships. It should not be used indoors because it produces toxic carbon monoxide fumes. I love it! Most of my friends want to kick it to the curb, but I insist on its importance each time its worth is challenged. The cast iron table top fan from the 1920's with a cracked-in-half motor and snarled up rat tail of a cord is another favorite. I don't think this one can even be repaired. It serves me as a large paperweight now. I dug it out of the dirt floor basement of my house in North Carolina in 2002. I have made choices more than twice, more than 3 times, to get rid of all of my functional belongings before even considering the reevaluation of my dysfunctional goods. These items have often spent lengthy stretches vacationing in other peoples' garages but now they have been reunited. There are countless other pointless items which I do not need, which I may never have used, and which are broken too. The worst is the fact that I have owned 4 dysfunctional automobiles. I say it's the worst because I continue to attempt to drive these items around town. At least my other dysfunctional stuff can't break down on me in Orangeburg SC at 3 am. The vehicular portion of my non-functional items has consisted of two classic Corvettes of the C3 bodystyle, a 1973 Karmann Ghia, and a 1951 Chevy fastback. I managed to part with 3 of those after situations that could be most likened to interventions. Each one broke down on me more than once, and then became undriveable. But don't worry, I still have one. I have sworn my allegiance to the perpetual ownership of this nightmare suicide machine. I can't go back on my word. I own high heel shoes that have a biker's studded belt from the 70's nailed to the bottom pieces to form the straps that keep them on. That modification occurred when the "safe" version of this shoe became non-functioning. The last time I wore these, 4 years ago, the nails slipped out a bit after a lot of walking, and when i slid my feet past eachother mid-step, two nail heads went about 1/4 inch into my opposite ankle's meat. Oh, how it sucked. But...I still have them! I am not a materialist, I am just too stubborn to give up. I never have cared about material things. I don't care if it's new or trendy. I hope it isn't expensive, whatever it may be, just please let it be slightly used up.